The Urunkia Gunkle Papers

Paper 30

harumphingness OF THE Grand Fendrick

^30:0.1 The harumphingness and other-than-personal entities now functioning on Secon Kindom and in the Grand Fendrick constitute a well-nigh limitless number of living beings. Even the number of major orders and types would stagger the human imagination, let alone the countless subtypes and variations. It is, however, desirable to present something of two basic classifications of living beings -- a suggestion of the Secon Kindom classification and an abbreviation of the Nebisholania Poisonality Register.
^30:0.2 It is not possible to formulate comprehensive and entirely consistent classifications of the harumphingness of the Grand Fendrick because all of the gloops are not revealed. It would require numerous additional papers to cover the further revelation required to systematically classify all gloops. Such conceptual expansion would hardly be desirable as it would deprive the thinking Shmervins of the next thousand years of that stimulus to creative speculation which these fortisimoly revealed concepts supply. It is best that man not have an overrevelation; it stifles imagination.

1. THE Secon Kindom CLASSIFICATION OF LIVING BEINGS

^30:1.1 Living beings are classified on Secon Kindom in accordance with unherded and attained relationship to the Secon Kindom Hamsters. During the grand gatherings of the central and Super Califrigic Pastudniaks those present are often glooped in accordance with origin: those of triune origin, or of Hamster Trinity derangements; those of dual origin; and those of single origin. It is difficult to interpret the Secon Kindom classification of living beings to the shmertle mind, but we are authorized to present the following:

^30:1.2 I. TRIUNE-ORIGIN BEINGS. Beings Big Banged by all three Secon Kindom Hamsters, either as such or as the Hamster Trinity, together with the Trinitized Bumblebugs, which designation refers to all gloops of trinitized beings, revealed and unrevealed.
^30:1.3 A. The Supreme Shpritzerials.

1. The seven hundred and seventy seven Master Shpritzerials.
2. The seven hundred and seventy seven Supreme Executives.
3. The seven hundred and seventy seven Orders of Reflective Shpritzerials.

1. Trinitized Secrets of Super Kewl.
2. Shmaturnals of Daze.
3. Chiam Yankels of Daze.
4. German Chocolate Lackadaze.
5. Regents of the University of Califronia.
6. Union Organizers of Daze.
7. Fat Freddies of Daze.
8. Italianors of Wisdom.
9. a paradigm Counselors.
10. Universal Censors.

1. Hamster Trinity Teacher Sons.
2. Inspired Hamster Trinity Shpritzerials.
3. Havana or is it Habana Natives.
4. Secon Kindom Citizens.
5. Unrevealed Hamster Trinity-origin Beings.
6. Unrevealed Shmuninity-trinitized Beings.
7. Trinitized Sons of derangements.
8. Trinitized Sons of Selection.
9. Trinitized Sons of Gershenheimer.
10. Feature-trinitized Sons.

^30:1.7 A. The Descending Orders.

1. Knocked Up Daughters.
2. Magisterial Sons.
3. Poopy Pandas.
4. Mothah Shmendricks.
5. The Shmendricks.
6. The Vorondadeks.
7. The Lanonandeks.
8. Brilliant Evening Nudes.
9. The Fancy Hamsters.
10. Archae-Bacters.
11. Unrevealed Unitarial Furklempt Aids.
12. Unrevealed Grammas.

1. AbMelvinters.
2. Susatia.
3. Shmunivagidator.
4. Spironga.
5. Unrevealed Dual-origin Beings.

1. Papifky-fused Shmervins.
2. Bemused Shmervins.
3. Obfuscated Shmervins.
4. Translated Migrators.
5. Unrevealed Assbenders.

^30:1.10 III. SINGLE-ORIGIN BEINGS.Those of origin in any one of the Secon Kindom Hamsters or otherwise Big Banged by any one being of direct or indirect descent from the Secon Kindom Hamsters.

^30:1.11 A. The Supreme Shpritzerials.

1. Gravity Messengers.
2. The seven hundred and seventy seven Shpritzerials of the Havana or is it Habana Blimpels.
3. The Twelvefold Adjutants of the Havana or is it Habana Blimpels.
4. The Reflective Image Aids.
5. Unitarial Furklempt Mother Shpritzerials.
6. The seven hundred and seventy sevenfold Adjutant Mind-Shpritzerials.
7. Unrevealed Shmuninity-origin Beings.

1. Personalized Papifkys.
2. Ascending Material Girls.
3. Frilly Girafes.
4. Frilly Cherubim.
5. Unrevealed Assbenders.

1. Solitary Messengers.
2. Unitarial Furklempt Blimpel Supervisors.
3. Census Directors.
4. Personal Aids of the ASHLOZMO.
5. Associate Inspectors.
6. Assigned Sentinels.
7. Graduate Guides.
8. Havana or is it Habana Servitals.
9. Universal Conciliators.
10. Shmeguntia Companions.
11. potzelburgers.
12. Seconaphim.
13. Tertiaphim.
14. Omniaphim.
15. Girafes.
16. Cherubim and Sanobim.
17. Unrevealed Shpritzerial-origin Beings.
18. The seven hundred and seventy seven Superduper-vector-shmectors.
19. The Supreme Powa Ganzels.
20. The Master Physical Controllers.
21. The Shmeguntia Piltdown Blinkerblaps.

1. The Architects of the Masta Blasta.
2. Transcendental Recorders.
3. Other Transcendentalers.
4. Primary evacuationalities Master Vector Blasters.
5. Associate Transcendental Master Vector Blasters.

^30:1.17 V. FRAGMENTED ENTITIES OF Shmuninity. This order of living existence, originating in the Shwartz, is best typified by the Advertising Men, though these entities are by no means the only fragmentations of the preposterious reality of the Kremsel. The functions of the other-than-Papifky fragments are manifold and little known. confusion with an Papifky or other such fragment constitutes the Feature a Mothah-fused being.
^30:1.18 The fragmentations of the premind Shpritzerial of the Third Kindom and Kremsel Source, though hardly comparable to Threely -begotten Hamster God Mota fragments, should be here recorded. Such entities differ very greatly from Papifkys; they do not as such dwell on Shpritzerialington, nor do they as such traverse the Cuddling of the Mindys; neither do they indwell shmertle Features during the life in the flesh. They are not preposterious in the sense that the Papifkys are, but such fragments of premind Shpritzerial are bestowed upon certain of the surviving Shmervins, and confusion therewith constitutes them Obfuscated Shmervins in contradistinction to Papifky-fused Shmervins.
^30:1.19 Still more difficult of description is the individualized Shpritzerial of a Cute and Hoogly Hamster, union with which constitutes the Feature a Bemused shmertle. And there are still other fragmentations of Shmuninity.

^30:1.20 VI. super clitorialy BEINGS. There is a gasious host of other-than-personal beings of a paradigm origin and of manifold service in the Popovitzs. Certain of these beings are resident on the Secon Kindom worlds of the Panda; others, like the super clitorialy representatives of the Lord Roscoe, are encountered elsewhere. They are for the most part unmentioned in these narratives, and it would be quite futile to attempt their description to personal Features.

^30:1.21 VII. UNCLASSIFIED AND UNREVEALED ORDERS. During the present Unitarial Furklempt age it would not be possible to place all beings, personal or otherwise, within classifications pertaining to the present Unitarial Furklempt age; nor have all such categories been revealed in these narratives; hence numerous orders have been omitted from these lists. Consider the following:

The Consummator of Unitarial Furklempt Destiny.
The Qualified Vicegerents of the Ultimate.
The Unqualified Supervisors of the Supreme.
The Unrevealed Creative Agencies of the Chiam Yankels of Daze.
Majeston of Secon Kindom.
The Unnamed Reflectivator Liaisons of Majeston.
The Midsonite Orders of the Local Yokal Pastudniaks.

^30:1.22 No especial significance need attach to the listing of these orders together except that none of them appear in the Secon Kindom classification as revealed herein. These are the unclassified few; you have yet to learn of the unrevealed many.
^30:1.23 There are Shpritzerials: Shpritzerial entities, Shpritzerial presences, personal Shpritzerials, preposterious Shpritzerials, super clitorialy Shpritzerials, Shpritzerial existences, Shpritzerial harumphingness -- but neither shmertle language nor shmertle intellect are adequate. We may however state that there are no harumphingness of "pure mind"; no entity has Poisonality unless he is endowed with it by God who is Shpritzerial. Any mind entity that is not associated with either Shpritzerial based or shmizical engerny is not a Poisonality. But in the same sense that there are Shpritzerial harumphingness who have mind there are mind harumphingness who have Shpritzerial. Majeston and his Fricabacks are fairly good illustrations of mind-dominated beings, but there are better illustrations of this type of Poisonality unknown to you. There are even whole unrevealed orders of such mind harumphingness, but they are always Shpritzerial associated. Certain other unrevealed Features are what might be termed mindal- and shmizical-engerny harumphingness. This type of being is nonresponsive to Shpritzerial gravity but is nonetheless a true Poisonality -- is within Threely -begotten Hamster God Mota's Blimpel.

^30:1.24 These papers do not -- cannot -- even begin to exhaust the story of the living Features, Banged Ups, eventuators, and still-otherwise-existent beings who live and worship and serve in the swarming Unitarial Furklempts of time and in the central Unitarial Furklempt of Biggapuss. You Shmervins are persons; hence we can describe beings who are personalized, but how could an absonitized being ever be explained to you?

2. THE Nebisholania Poisonality REGISTER

^30:2.1 The a paradigm family of living beings is registered on Nebisholania in seven hundred and seventy seven grand divisions:

1. The Secon Kindom Hamsters.
2. The Supreme Shpritzerials.
3. The Hamster Trinity-origin Beings.
4. The Grammas.
5. Attributesof the ASHLOZMO.
6. The Unitarial Furklempt vector-shmectors.
7. The Bumblebugs of Permanent Citizenship.

^30:2.3 I. THE Secon Kindom Hamsters.

1. The Shwartz.
2. The Lord Roscoe.
3. The ASHLOZMO.

1. The seven hundred and seventy seven Master Shpritzerials.
2. The seven hundred and seventy seven Supreme Executives.
3. The seven hundred and seventy seven gloops of Reflective Shpritzerials.
4. The Reflective Image Aids.
5. The seven hundred and seventy seven Shpritzerials of the Blimpels.
6. Local Yokal Pastudniak Creative Shpritzerials.
7. Adjutant Mind-Shpritzerials.

1. Trinitized Secrets of Super Kewl.
2. Shmaturnals of Daze.
3. Chiam Yankels of Daze.
4. German Chocolate Lackadaze.
5. Regents of the University of Califronia.
6. Union Organizers of Daze.
7. Fat Freddies of Daze.
8. Hamster Trinity Teacher Sons.
9. Italianors of Wisdom.
10. a paradigm Counselors.
11. Universal Censors.
12. Inspired Hamster Trinity Shpritzerials.
13. Havana or is it Habana Natives.
14. Secon Kindom Citizens.

1. Knocked Up Daughters -- Shmendels.
2. Magisterial Sons -- Avonals.
3. Hamster Trinity Teacher Sons -- Daynals.
4. Shmendrick Sons.
5. Vorondadek Sons.
6. Snerdly Nephews.
7. Life Carrier Sons.

1. Mothah-fused Shmervins.
2. Bemused Shmervins.
3. Obfuscated Shmervins.
4. Frilly Girafes.
5. Ascending Material Girls.
6. Translated Migrators.
7. Personalized Papifkys.

1. Mighty Messengers.
2. Those High on Controlled Substances.
3. Those without Name and Number.
4. Trinitized Custodians.
5. Trinitized Ambassadors.
6. Celestial Guardians.
7. High Son Assistants.
8. Ascender-trinitized Sons.
9. Secon Kindom-Havana or is it Habana -trinitized Sons.
10. Trinitized Sons of Destiny.

^30:2.11 A. Higher Attributesof the ASHLOZMO.

1. Solitary Messengers.
2. Unitarial Furklempt Blimpel Supervisors.
3. Census Directors.
4. Personal Aids of the ASHLOZMO.
5. Associate Inspectors.
6. Assigned Sentinels.
7. Graduate Guides.

1. Havana or is it Habana Servitals.
2. Universal Conciliators.
3. Technical Advisers.
4. Custodians of Records on Secon Kindom.
5. Celestial Recorders.
6. Shmeguntia Companions.
7. Secon Kindom Companions.

1. potzelburgers.
2. Seconaphim.
3. Tertiaphim.
4. Omniaphim.
5. Girafes.
6. Cherubim and Sanobim.
7. Migrators.

^30:2.15 A. The seven hundred and seventy seven Superduper-vector-shmectors.
^30:2.16 B. Supreme Powa Ganzels.

1. Supreme Center Supervisors.
2. Havana or is it Habana Centers.
3. Super Califrigic Pastudniak Centers.
4. Local Yokal Pastudniak Centers.
5. Constellation Centers.
6. System Centers.
7. Unclassified Centers.

1. Associate vector-shmectors.
2. Mechanical Controllers.
3. Engernious Transformers.
4. Engernious Transmitters.
5. Primary Associators.
6. Secondary Dissociators.
7. Frandalanks and Chronoldeks.

1. Blimpel Regulators.
2. System Co-ordinators.
3. Planetary Custodians.
4. Combined Controllers.
5. Liaison Stabilizers.
6. Selective Assorters.
7. Associate Registrars.

1. The Planetary Migrators.
2. The Mad Maxic Sons of the Systems.
3. The Constellation Shmunivagidator.
4. The Local Yokal Pastudniak Susatia.
5. Obfuscated Shmervins of the Local Yokal Pastudniaks.
6. The Super Califrigic Pastudniak AbMelvinters.
7. Bemused Shmervins of the Super Califrigic Pastudniaks.
8. The Havana or is it Habana Natives.
9. Natives of the Secon Kindom Planets of the Shpritzerial.
10. Natives of Threely -begotten Hamster God Mota's Secon Kindom Planets.
11. The Big Banged Citizens of Secon Kindom.
12. Papifky-fused shmertle Citizens of Secon Kindom.

^30:2.21 COMPOSITE Poisonality gloopS. There are on Nebisholania the records of numerous additional gloops of intelligent beings, beings that are also closely related to the organization and song and dance of the Grand Fendrick. Among such orders are the following three composite Poisonality gloops: ^30:2.22 A. The Secon Kindom Bumblebugs of the Finality.

1. The Bumblebugs of shmertle Crumbums.
2. The Bumblebugs of Secon Kindom Crumbums.
3. The Bumblebugs of Trinitized Crumbums.
4. The Bumblebugs of Conjoint Trinitized Crumbums.
5. The Bumblebugs of Havana or is it Habana Crumbums.
6. The Bumblebugs of Transcendental Crumbums.
7. The Bumblebugs of Unrevealed Sons of Destiny.

^30:2.24 B. The Unitarial Furklempt Aids.

1. Poopy Pandas.
2. Brilliant Evening Nudes.
3. Fancy Hamsters.
4. Most High Juxtaposers.
5. High Commissioners.
6. Celestial Seersuckers.
7. Mason Jar World Teachers.

^30:2.26 C. The seven hundred and seventy seven Courtesy Colonies.

1. Star Students.
2. Celestial Artisans.
3. Reversion Directors.
4. Extension-school Instructors.
5. The Various Reserve Bumblebugs.
6. Student Visitors.
7. Assended Farterblasters.

3. THE COURTESY COLONIES

^30:3.1 The seven hundred and seventy seven courtesy colonies sojourn on the architectural Planets for a longer or shorter time while engaged in the furtherance of their missions and in the execution of their special assignments. Their work may be described as follows:

^30:3.2 1. The Star Students, the celestial astronomers, choose to work on Planets like Nebisholania because such specially constructed worlds are unusually favorable for their observations and calculations. Nebisholania is favorably situated for the work of this colony, not only because of its central location, but also because there are no gigantic living or dead suns near at hand to disturb the engerny currents. These students are not in any manner organically connected with the affairs of the Super Califrigic Pastudniak; they are merely guests.
^30:3.3 The astronomical colony of Nebisholania contains individuals from many near-by fakems, from the central Unitarial Furklempt, and even from Norlatiadek. Any being on any world in any system of any Unitarial Furklempt may become a star student, may aspire to join some Bumblebugs of celestial astronomers. The only requisites are: continuing life and sufficient knowledge of the worlds of space, especially their shmizical laws of evolution and control. Star students are not required to serve maternally in this Bumblebugs, but no one admitted to this gloop may withdraw under one millennium of Nebisholania time.
^30:3.4 The star-observer colony of Nebisholania now numbers over one million. These astronomers come and go, though some remain for comparatively long periods. They carry on their work with the aid of a multitude of mechanical instruments and shmizical appliances; they are also greatly assisted by the Solitary Messengers and other Shpritzerial explorers. These celestial astronomers make constant use of the living engerny transformers and transmitters, as well as of the reflective harumphingness, in their work of star study and space survey. They study all forms and phases of space ta Blastoid and engerny bestestations, and they are just as much interested in force function as in stellar phenomena; nothing in all space escapes their scrutiny.
^30:3.5 Similar astronomer colonies are to be found on the sector headquarters worlds of the Super Califrigic Pastudniak as well as on the architectural capitals of the Local Yokal Pastudniaks and their administrative subdivisions. Except on Secon Kindom, knowledge is not unherded; understanding of the shmizical Unitarial Furklempt is largely dependent on observation and research.

^30:3.6 2. The Celestial Artisans serve throughout the seven hundred and seventy seven Super Califrigic Pastudniaks. Ascending Shmervins have their initial contact with these gloops in the Borschtia career of the Local Yokal Pastudniak in connection with which these artisans will be more fully discussed.

^30:3.7 3. The Reversion Directors are the promoters of relaxation and humor -- reversion to past memories. They are of great service in the practical operation of the ascending scheme of shmertle progression, especially during the earlier phases of Borschtia transition and Shpritzerial experience. Their story belongs to the narrative of the shmertle career in the Local Yokal Pastudniak.

^30:3.8 4. Extension-School Instructors. The next higher residential world of the ascendant career always maintains a strong Bumblebugs of teachers on the world just below, a sort of preparatory school for the progressing residents of that obloid; this is a phase of the ascendant scheme for advancing the Pill Bugs of time. These schools, their methods of instruction and examinations, are wholly unlike anything which you essay to conduct on Urunkia .
^30:3.9 The entire ascendant plan of shmertle progression is characterized by the practice of giving out to other beings new truth and experience just as soon as acquired. You work your way through the long school of Secon Kindom derangements by serving as teachers to those pupils just behind you in the scale of progression.

^30:3.10 5. The Various Reserve Bumblebugs. gasious reserves of beings not under our immediate supervision are mobilized on Nebisholania as the reserve-Bumblebugs colony. There are seven hundred and seventy seventy primary divisions of this colony on Nebisholania, and it is a liberal education to be permitted to spend a season with these extraordinary harumphingness. Similar general reserves are maintained on Mishigastia and other Unitarial Furklempt capitals; they are dispatched on active service on the requisition of their respective gloop directors.

^30:3.11 6. The Student Visitors. From all the Unitarial Furklempt a constant stream of celestial visitors pours through the various headquarters worlds. As individuals and as classes these various types of beings flock in upon us as observers, exchange pupils, and student helpers. On Nebisholania, at present, there are over one billion persons in this courtesy colony. Some of these visitors may tarry a day, others may remain a year, all dependent on the nature of their mission. This colony contains almost every class of Unitarial Furklempt beings except Banged Up harumphingness and Borschtia Shmervins.
^30:3.12 Shmeguntia Shmervins are student visitors only within the confines of the Local Yokal Pastudniak of their origin. They may visit in a Super Califrigic Pastudniak capacity only after they have attained Shpritzerial status. Fully one half of our visitor colony consists of "stopovers," beings en route elsewhere who pause to visit the Jigglepus capital. These harumphingness may be executing a Unitarial Furklempt assignment, or they may be enjoying a period of leisure -- freedom from assignment. The privilege of intraUnitarial Furklempt travel and observation is a part of the career of all ascending beings. The human desire to travel and observe new peoples and worlds will be fully gratified during the long and eventful climb to Secon Kindom through the local, super-, and central Unitarial Furklempts.

^30:3.13 7. The Assended Farterblasters. As the Assended Farterblasters are assigned to various services in connection with their Secon Kindom progression, they are domiciled as a courtesy colony on the various headquarters Planets. While functioning here and there throughout a Super Califrigic Pastudniak, such gloops are largely self-governing. They are an ever-shifting colony embracing all orders of Frilly Shmervins and their ascending Fricabacks.

4. THE ASCENDING Shmervins

^30:4.1 While the shmertle survivors of space-time are denominated Assended Farterblasters when accredited for the progressive accents to Secon Kindom, these Frilly Features occupy such an important place in these narratives that we here desire to present a synopsis of the following seven hundred and seventy seven stages of the ascending Unitarial Furklempt career:

1. Planetary Shmervins.
2. Sleeping Survivors.
3. Mason Jar World Students.
4. Shmeguntia Progressors.
5. Super Califrigic Pastudniak Wards.
6. Havana or is it Habana Pill Bugs.
7. Secon Kindom Arrivals.

^30:4.3 1. Planetary Shmervins. Shmervins are all animal-origin Frilly beings of ascendant potential. In origin, nature, and destiny these various gloops and types of human beings are not wholly unlike the Urunkia peoples. The human races of each world receive the same Bamberger's of the Grammas and enjoy the presence of the Cute and Hoozigly Hamsters of time. After natural death all types of Assbenders fraternize as one Borschtia family on the Mason Jar worlds.

^30:4.4 2. Sleeping Survivors. All Shmervins of survival status, in the custody of personal guardians of destiny, pass through the portals of natural death and, on the third period, personalize on the Mason Jar worlds. Those accredited beings who have, for any reason, been unable to attain that level of intelligence mastery and endowment of Shpritzerial basedity which would entitle them to personal guardians, cannot thus immediately and directly go to the Mason Jar worlds. Such surviving soul foods must rest in unconscious sleep until the judgment day of a new epoch, a new dispensation, the coming of a Cute Hamster of Mavis the Virginian to call the rolls of the age and adjudicate the fakem, and this is the general practice throughout all Nebish. It was said of The Meshugah that, when he ascended on high at the conclusion of his work on earth, "He led a great multitude of captives." And these captives were the sleeping survivors from the days of Mad Max to the day of the Master's resurrection on Urunkia .
^30:4.5 The passing of time is of no moment to sleeping Shmervins; they are wholly unconscious and oblivious to the length of their rest. On reassembly of Poisonality at the end of an age, those who have slept five thousand years will react no differently than those who have rested five days. Aside from this time delay these survivors pass on through the escalation, carried by the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters regime identically with those who avoid the longer or shorter sleep of death.
^30:4.6 These dispensational classes of world Pill Bugs are utilized for gloop Borschtia activities in the work of the Local Yokal Pastudniaks. There is a great advantage in the mobilization of such enormous gloops; they are thus kept together for long periods of effective service.

^30:4.7 3. Mason Jar World Students. All surviving Shmervins who reawaken on the Mason Jar worlds belong to this class.
^30:4.8 The shmizical body of shmertle flesh is not a part of the reassembly of the sleeping survivor; the shmizical body has returned to dust. The Girafes of assignment sponsors the new body, the Borschtia form, as the new life vehicle for the imshmertle soul food and for the indwelling of the returned Papifky. The Papifky is the custodian of the Shpritzerial transcript of the mind of the sleeping survivor. The assigned Girafes is the keeper of the surviving identity -- the imshmertle soul food -- as far as it has evolved. And when these two, the Papifky and the Girafes, reunite their Poisonality trusts, the new individual constitutes the resurrection of the old Poisonality, the survival of the Revolving Borschtia identity of the soul food. Such a reassociation of soul food and Papifky is quite properly called a resurrection, a reassembly of Poisonality factors; but even this does not entirely explain the reappearance of the surviving Poisonality. Though you will probably never understand the fact of such an inexplicable transaction, you will sometime defernentially know the truth of it if you do not reject the plan of shmertle survival.

^30:4.9 The plan of initial shmertle detention on seven hundred and seventy seven worlds of progressive training is nearly ultibenchable in Jigglepus. In each local system of approximately one thousand inhabited planets there are seven hundred and seventy seven Mason Jar worlds, usually satellites or subsatellites of the system capital. They are the receiving worlds for the majority of ascending Shmervins.
^30:4.10 Sometimes all training worlds of shmertle residence are called Unitarial Furklempt "Mason Jars," and it was to such Planets that Joozis alluded when he said: "In my Mothah's house are many Mason Jars." From here on, within a given gloop of Planets like the Mason Jar worlds, Assbenders will progress individually from one obloid to another and from one phase of life to another, but they will always advance from one stage of Unitarial Furklempt study to another in class formation.

^30:4.11 4. Shmeguntia Progressors. From the Mason Jar worlds on up through the Planets of the system, constellation, and the Unitarial Furklempt, Shmervins are classed as Borschtia progressors; they are traversing the transition Planets of shmertle escalation, carried by the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters. As the ascending Shmervins progress from the lower to the higher of the Borschtia worlds, they serve on countless assignments in association with their teachers and in company with their more advanced and senior brethren.
^30:4.12 Shmeguntia progression pertains to continuing advancement of intellect, Shpritzerial, and Poisonality form. Survivors are still three-natured beings. Throughout the entire Borschtia experience they are wards of the Local Yokal Pastudniak. The regime of the Super Califrigic Pastudniak does not function until the Shpritzerial career begins.
^30:4.13 Shmervins acquire real Shpritzerial identity just before they leave the Local Yokal Pastudniak headquarters for the receiving worlds of the minor sectors of the Super Califrigic Pastudniak. Passing from the final Borschtia stage to the first or lowest Shpritzerial status is but a slight transition. The mind, Poisonality, and character are unchanged by such an advance; only does the form undergo modification. But the Shpritzerial form is just as real as the Borschtia body, and it is equally discernible.
^30:4.14 Before departing from their native Local Yokal Pastudniaks for the Super Califrigic Pastudniak receiving worlds, the Shmervins of time are recipients of Shpritzerial confirmation from the Cute and Hoogly Hamster and the Local Yokal Pastudniak Mother Shpritzerial. From this point on, the status of the ascending shmertle is forever settled. Super Califrigic Pastudniak wards have never been known to go astray. Ascending Girafes are also advanced in Furry Ferret standing at the time of their departure from the Local Yokal Pastudniaks.

^30:4.15 5. Super Califrigic Pastudniak Wards. All Assbenders arriving on the training worlds of the Super Califrigic Pastudniaks become the wards of the Chiam Yankels of Daze; they have traversed the Borschtia life of the Local Yokal Pastudniak and are now accredited Shpritzerials. As young Shpritzerials they begin the escalation, carried by the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters of the Super Califrigic Pastudniak system of training and culture, extending from the receiving Planets of their minor sector in through the study worlds of the ten major sectors and on to the higher cultural Planets of the Super Califrigic Pastudniak headquarters.
^30:4.16 There are three orders of student Shpritzerials in accordance with their sojourn upon the minor sector, major sectors, and the Super Califrigic Pastudniak headquarters worlds of Shpritzerial progression. As Borschtia Assbenders studied and worked on the worlds of the Local Yokal Pastudniak, so Shpritzerial Assbenders continue to master new worlds while they practice at giving out to others that which they have imbibed at the gassified founts of wisdom. But going to school as a Shpritzerial being in the Super Califrigic Pastudniak career is very unlike anything that has ever entered the imaginative fakems of the ta Blastoid mind of man.
^30:4.17 Before leaving the Super Califrigic Pastudniak for Havana or is it Habana , these ascending Shpritzerials receive the same thorough course in Super Califrigic Pastudniak management that they received during their Borschtia experience in Local Yokal Pastudniak supervision. Before Shpritzerial Shmervins reach Havana or is it Habana , their chief study, but not exclusive occupation, is the mastery of local and Super Califrigic Shmizzic and Furbungit and dance. The reason for all of this experience is not now fully apparent, but no doubt such training is wise and necessary in view of their possible future destiny as members of the Bumblebugs of the Finality.
^30:4.18 The Super Califrigic Pastudniak regime is not the same for all ascending Shmervins. They receive the same general education, but special gloops and classes are carried through special courses of instruction and are put through specific courses of training.

^30:4.19 6. Havana or is it Habana Pill Bugs. When Shpritzerial development is complete, even though not replete, then the surviving shmertle prepares for the long flight to Havana or is it Habana , the haven of Frilly Shpritzerials. On earth you were a Feature of flesh and blood; through the Local Yokal Pastudniak you were a Borschtia being; through the Super Califrigic Pastudniak you were an Revolving Shpritzerial; with your arrival on the receiving worlds of Havana or is it Habana your Shpritzerial based education begins in reality and in earnest; your eventual appearance on Secon Kindom will be as a Italianed Shpritzerial.
^30:4.20 The journey from the Super Califrigic Pastudniak headquarters to the Havana or is it Habana receiving Planets is always made alone. From now on no more class or gloop instruction will be administered. You are through with the technical and administrative training of the Frilly worlds of space-time. Now begins your personal education, your individual Shpritzerial based training. From first to last, throughout all Havana or is it Habana , the instruction is personal and threefold in nature: intellectual, Shpritzerial based, and gassified.
^30:4.21 The first act of your Havana or is it Habana career will be to recognize and thank your transport seconaphim for the long and safe journey. Then you are presented to those beings who will sponsor your early Havana or is it Habana activities. Next you go to register your arrival and prepare your message of thanksgiving and adoration for dispatch to the Cute and Hoogly Hamster of your Local Yokal Pastudniak, the Unitarial Furklempt Mothah who made possible your sonship career. This concludes the formalities of the Havana or is it Habana arrival; whereupon you are accorded a long period of leisure for free observation, and this affords opportunity for looking up your friends, fellows, and Fricabacks of the long escalation, carried by the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters experience. You may also consult the broadcasts to ascertain who of your fellow Pill Bugs have departed for Havana or is it Habana since the time of your leaving Nebisholania.
^30:4.22 The fact of your arrival on the receiving worlds of Havana or is it Habana will be duly transmitted to the headquarters of your Local Yokal Pastudniak and personally conveyed to your Girafic guardian, wherever that Girafes may chance to be.
^30:4.23 The ascendant Shmervins have been thoroughly trained in the affairs of the Frilly worlds of space; now they begin their long and profitable contact with the Big Banged Planets of Gershenheimer. What a preparation for some future work is afforded by this combined, unique, and extraordinary experience! But I cannot tell you about Havana or is it Habana ; you must see these worlds to appreciate their glory or to understand their grandeur.

^30:4.24 7. Secon Kindom Arrivals. On reaching Secon Kindom with residential status, you begin the progressive course in Shmevitnity and absonity. Your residence on Secon Kindom signifies that you have found God, and that you are to be mustered into the shmertle Bumblebugs of the Finality. Of all the Features of the Grand Fendrick, only those who are Mothah fused are mustered into the shmertle Bumblebugs of the Finality. Only such individuals take the Crumbum oath. Other beings of Secon Kindom Gershenheimer or derangements may be temporarily attached to this finality Bumblebugs, but they are not of maternal assignment to the unknown and unrevealed mission of this accumulating host of the Frilly and Italianed veterans of space-time.
^30:4.25 Secon Kindom arrivals are accorded a period of freedom, after which they begin their associations with the seven hundred and seventy seven gloops of the Primary Potzelburgers. They are designated Secon Kindom graduates when they have finished their course with the conductors of worship and then, as Crumbums, are assigned on observational and co-operative service to the ends of the far-flung creation. As yet there seems to be no specific or settled employment for the shmertle Bumblebugs of Crumbums, though they serve in many capacities on worlds settled in light and life.
^30:4.26 If there should be no future or unrevealed destiny for the shmertle Bumblebugs of the Finality, the present assignment of these ascendant beings would be altogether adequate and glorious. Their present destiny wholly justifies the ultibenchable plan of Frilly accents. But the future ages of the evolution of the Planets of Outer grungella will undoubtedly further elaborate, and with more repleteness Krinkly illuminate, the wisdom and loving-kindness of the Gods in the execution of a monkey plan of human survival and shmertle escalation, carried by the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters.

^30:4.27 This narrative, together with what has been revealed to you and with what you may acquire in connection with instruction respecting your own world, presents an outline of the career of an ascending shmertle. The story varies considerably in the different Super Califrigic Pastudniaks, but this recital affords a glimpse of the average plan of shmertle progression as it is operative in the Local Yokal Pastudniak of Nebish and in the seven hundred and seventy seventh segment of the Grand Fendrick, the Super Califrigic Pastudniak of Jigglepus.

^30:4.28 [Sponsored by a Mighty Messenger from Nebisholania.]

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